It’s important to respect each other. That means valuing the other person’s self
and contribution to the world. The basic
thing is to let the other person be who they are. I’ve seen people who become very unhappy because
the other person doesn’t do what they think he or she should do. However, respect means that I value you and
your opinions and your beliefs even though I may not agree with you. Respect means freedom, not control: I give you the right to be yourself. (p. 217)
…[R]espect is much more than an attitude …[it is] a set of
behaviors. (p. 218)
Respect means that
you pay attention to how you say things (p. 218). The content of what we say… is often less
important than the tone of voice in which we say it. Courtesy and politeness are key ways of
demonstrating respect. (p. 219)
Respect means that you listen –and show you are
listening (p. 219). Demonstrating
fully engaged interest is a key to introducing the principle of respect into
the conversation.
Listen to the person.
Listen with your mind, not just with your ear; show them that you are
understanding what they are attempting to say.
Let the person finish what they are saying and try to understand what
the spouse is saying. Listen with your
entire self, and not just to say,”I’m listening to you, okay, what else?” Don’t be quick to cut the other party off and
say what you need to say, or get your point across. Just take the time and let the person finish
what they have to say, and show you are listening in a very positive way. And if it isn’t the right time, politely say,
“Dear, I’m running a little late, can we discuss this another time?” something
like that. But just don’t be rude; be very
courteous to each other. (p. 220)
Respect means not going to extremes (p.220). Stop yourself before you make an unkind or
impolite remark. The principle of
respect means not insulting or belittling the other person. (p. 221)
Source:
Karl Pillermer. 30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage (New York, NY: Hudson Street Press. Published by the Penguin Group, 2015).
Source:
Karl Pillermer. 30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage (New York, NY: Hudson Street Press. Published by the Penguin Group, 2015).
