Like life, relationship evolves. It is changing for the better or for the worse, usually due to external or situational factors which influence the individual's mind and heart, leading to changes in behaviors and reactions on both sides. Degrees of common interest sharing, trust, bond, and intimacy in relationships may fluctuate, like the ebb and flow of ocean waves. It is crucial to realize this fluctuation nature in any relationship, so that we won't be slowed down, trapped, or have to make a detour and swerve far away from our destination. Our life journey is supposed to have many goals to complete, and relationship is just part of it. It is better to hold fast to our missions and values, and have an integrity throughout life. With these as a lighthouse or a compass it would be better for the traveler, for s/he can be in control of her or his life, without having any confusion, setback or regret later on, especially at the end of the journey.
Our problem solving and decision making abilities may grow with age, life experiences and education, but human irrational and risk-taking behaviors sometimes show when the individual is not calm and has a tendency to act on an impulse. There are presumptions, stereotypes, bias or prejudice which we may have without our awareness. There are also hidden greed, envy or hatred, and a big ego or self love that may have strong impact on our thought, speech and action. Under their negative influence, we may be heading the wrong way, harming a good, well-established relationship; but we may not be able to recognize it until it is too late. The main cause is actually that we are dependent slaves to our self and circumstances, and we totally lose control of ourselves. Unfortunately, we are too ignorant or too arrogant to accept that. Our view is blinded, and our mind, fuzzy, just like a cloudy murky sky where the sun and the moon are gone, and our life turns pitch dark.
Certainly there are such moments during one's life journey. We need to watch out for those moments, and be more vigilant against our inner self and the circumstances, and people around us. A calm, detached or non-judgmental attitude of a cognizant observer and a well-alert traveler is crucial at such moments. Despite all vicissitudes, hold fast to our life goals, missions and values. These may not be very ambitious --just simple day-to-day responsibilities and benchmarks that we the traveler know we must accomplish decently and timely for ourselves and others.
Based on intuition, a good common sense and wisdom, there are some key words and fundamental principles for us to follow in all relationships. They are:
- Respect
- Honesty
- Empathy, love and kindness
- Generosity
- Compromise and humility
- Tolerance and forgiveness
