Here's the latest TrumPoem in my occasional chronicle of the presidency of Donald Trump.
Dearest dearest Chairman Kim,
I'm writing you this letter
To say I'm breaking up with you
I'd hope for so much better.
I had a dream, a giant dream
Tremendous! Mamma mia!
That you and I would make a deal
Regarding North Korea.
We'd rendezvous in Singapore
One lovely day in June
And I'd succeed where Barry failed --
I'd make you smile and swoon!
We'd talk about our futures
And we'd do it eye to eye
We'd bare our souls and speak our truths --
You'd see I never lie.
You and me and me and you!
We'd sing the same sweet tune!
The world would hail the summit of
The Donald and Jong Un!
You said it's what you wanted, dear
You lured me to this deal
My friends said: Do not trust him!
But your offer had appeal.
All I asked was: Lose your nukes
Our deal would be real swell
In trade, I'd give a thing or two --
Then win me a Nobel!
I even made a summit coin
A souvenir with class!
I granted you the name "Supreme"
I flattered your fat ass.
My friend, does that insult you?
Well, this game is tit for tat
You pal says Pence is stupid?
Then I'm gonna to call you fat.
Sigh.
Oh, dearest Little Rocket Man,
We'd almost traded rings!
But humans when they're angry
They can say the meanest things.
I worked so hard to woo you
(I'm a master of flirtation)
I searched for words to win your heart
(I cooed "negotiation!")
I cherished our great dialogue
I felt it growing strong
I even learned to say your name --
So many get it wrong!
Our critics --and we share a few--
Dismissed our bond as false
They said that I'm a bumbler in
The diplomatic waltz.
They said that I don't understand
The things that make you tick
But, yes, I do! You're just like me!
And that is why we click!
Your ego and ambition
They remind me, well, of me
And that is why I knew that we
Could set our nations free.
My trip was planned! My coin was made!
I'd proved my heart was true!
But then you said some nasty things
And so I'm through with you.
Oh, why so mean, my dearest one?
A thing I did or said?
Please tell me that it's not because
We shot Gadhafi dead?
The talk of him and Libya
Was not meant as a threat
My minions were just making sure
That all my needs are met.
It pains me, dear, it makes me sad
To see us fall apart
I truly thought I'd be the one
To melt your icy heart.
The pundits are so gleefully now
Agog with gloom and doom
They're full of snark and fury
Asking "Who deserted whom?"
Was it me or was it you?
And who's the most to blame?
But you and I both know the truth:
We're not done with this game.
Our good times they were special --
Like those hostages you freed!
I thank you for that gesture --
Plus, I've still got stuff you need.
And by the way, my weapons?
They're enormous, very large!
I hope you'll never see them
But be warned --I'm still in charge.
Farewell for now, my friend, and if
You ever change your mind
Please write or call at any time
I'm not that hard to find.
I hope, my dearest pen pal,
That we'll meet for real one day
And. oh, P.S.: Please look for coins
Of us out on eBay.
Sources:
Chicago Tribune,Section 1, p. 3, Friday May 25, 2018.
